If Only Time Stopped at the Moment We First Met Read online

  Chapter 4

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  I felt light-headed, impulse had already completely taken over me. I imitated the movements in the videos by pinching here and touching there. My skills were very bad. His skin was smooth and white, it was very pleasing to touch.

  He had already faintly guessed what I wanted to do, with anger and shyness mixed together, his face was so red it couldn’t get any redder. He wanted to kick me except his resistance was nothing more than child’s play to me. My hands were like pincers, he was completely helpless against me.

  My breathing became heavier and heavier, I wanted to do it in real life to satisfy myself, so I didn’t hesitate any longer and violently went inside his body. To be honest, at that very moment even I thought it was extremely painful. His entire body was trembling and his hand gripped firmly onto the bedsheets as if he wanted to rip them apart. I heard his oppressed □□ of pain but instead it just fueled my desire. I tasted extreme euphoria inside his body, I didn’t care about his feelings at all. Plus, I couldn’t control myself either, that was the first time I experienced what was known as □□. I couldn’t stop, the only regret was that he didn’t cooperate perfectly like the male leads in the videos. From beginning to end, he kept on struggling as if his life depended on it, but this was also another type of stimulation, it deepened my pleasure as well as my desire to conquer him.

  I didn’t know how long it was before I didn’t have any energy left. I lay on the bed and couldn’t even speak. I closed my eyes and slept deeply.

  I was a bit confused when I opened my eyes, I looked at the hanging clock and realised I had only slept for more than an hour. My mind was a bit blank at that point, I didn’t have a recollection of what I did but I quickly remembered. I thought it was unbelievable, it wasn’t until I turned my head around and saw that he was still lying next to me did I realise it wasn’t all a dream. His eyes were closed but I was 100% sure he wasn’t sleeping, his tears were pouring out of his eyes nonstop causing a big wet patch on the pillow.

  I was still pondering over why he didn’t secretly leave and suddenly remembered that the others had taken his clothes away. According to his personality, he wouldn’t leave wearing my clothes and especially with the pain he was in now. His lips were pale so I thought to myself that there may have been a chance he couldn’t even walk.

  All of a sudden I felt very terrified, I didn’t know what to do. I even felt that after this afternoon was over, the nature of our relationship would change. Could this also be some sort of ‘male virgin complex’?

  I tried hard to think of it as a game or a prank, or even a quarrel between guys. It’s just that my heart was a complete mess, I relentlessly scolded myself and vowed to calm my words and actions. I put on my clothes first and then took out a set of new clothes my dad previously sent me from the drawer. Our heights weren’t very different so he should be able to wear it.

  I held the clothes and sat on the edge of the bed before I coldly said, “You’ve offended me before. No one who offends me has a good ending. I’ve let you off lightly this time, we’re even now. However I do warn you, if you go out and tell anyone about what happened then either others will think you’re mentally ill or they just won’t believe you at all. Otherwise, you and your parents will all be laughed at. Don’t forget about those photos. Overall, the person’s who’s going to suffer losses will always be you.” He didn’t say anything nor did he open his eyes, he just bit his lips firmly, leaving a row of teeth marks when he let go. Tears rolled out of his eyes again.

  I didn’t say anything else, I finally put on a tough act, I couldn’t do it again. I actually felt very empty on the inside but it wasn’t completely because I was scared he would sue me.

  I reluctantly held his upper body up and planned to help him put some clothes on. I saw that his lips were constantly pale and his body trembled, I guessed it was extremely painful. I suddenly felt slightly apologetic.

  The moment my hands touched his body, his body trembled from fright. He opened his eyes and glared at me with hate and fear. However, he didn’t have any energy to push my hand away.

  Coming across such a nail[1], I felt very bored and draped the clothes over his body, “Then wear it yourself. Of course, if you don’t want to wear my clothes then that’s fine. You can just stay here every day and accompany me.” Although I had some intentions of ridicule, my deep inner thoughts wished for such a thing to come true.

  He sat up with much effort, stared blankly for a while before he slowly picked up the clothes.

  I looked at him drape the clothes over his body with extreme difficulty before slowly putting one hand in. I had never seen anyone dress themselves so slowly, it was a bit funny but at the same time I pitied him slightly. I gazed at him as he trembled while doing the buttons for ages and failed in the end. I couldn’t hold back my laughter anymore and reached out to help him button up. He didn’t refuse this time and only turned his head away so he wasn’t looking at me. These buttons really did have a peculiar design, I fiddled with them for many minutes in front of him. We were very close to each other, the scent of his body made my face heat up. His breathing made my hands slightly tremble, I wanted nothing more than for the buttons to have been made even weirder.

  He finally got dressed and just managed to stand up by propping himself up with much difficulty. I told him to wait. I opened the door and went to the basement to grab the bike so I could send him back. By the time I came back, he was already gone. I believed he hadn’t gone far but I was too ashamed to go looking everywhere for him. I sat on the couch in the living room without moving, my entire mind was blank.

  I asked for a few days off school and tried hard to make myself feel as though I had the flu or a fever, or pain in parts of my body. To blatantly put it out there, I was just afraid to see Li ZhenYun. I told Wang XiaoYong and the others to not come and find me, I just really wanted to hide in an empty world.

  When I finally got the courage to go to class, I discovered that my legs felt weak when I walked into the classroom. I cursed at myself a few times. Wang XiaoYong hadn’t come yet, he was late again.

  [1] 钉子 This literally means nail and is a dialect used in Northern China. Essentially, 锤子 (which literally means hammer), is also a slang for someone’s d*ck. And obviously a nail is smaller than a hammer so it’s used to ridicule someone’s d is small.

  Chapter 5

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  I sat properly in my spot and pretended to read books for a while. I then secretly glanced backwards a few times. He really did disappear. On the other hand, I saw Wang XiaoYong sneak in from the back door.

  It was a torturous wait until class finished, I signalled Wang XiaoYong with my eyes and he walked over and whispered with uncontainable excitement, “LaoDa is so pro, not to mention that you screwed that bastard, you even drove him away.”

  I was shocked, “What’s the matter?”

  Wang XiaoYong felt it was a bit strange, “So LaoDa doesn’t know anything after living behind closed doors for just a few days? I don’t know what that guy said to his parents and Mrs. Liu. Anyways, he got moved to the class next door, I heard that he even wanted to change schools except it didn’t work out. Mrs. Liu was so angry, no matter what, he was still a good pupil of hers. Hehe.” My heart beat irregularly, I couldn’t tell if it was rejoice or disappointment, it was very complicated. Wang XiaoYong gave me an envelope and mysteriously said, “It’s a treasure. Go back and slowly appreciate it.” I held that envelope and it felt as hot as fire against my fingers, I hurriedly stuffed it into my bag.

  That day, half intentionally and half accidently, I walked along the corridor and looked around. I didn’t know what I wanted to look at either. I lived everyday absentmindedly, no matter who wanted to start a conversation with me, it all sounded illusory in my ears as if it was coming from another world.

  I ignored their request to go out and play and hurriedly rode home. I was riding my bike extremely quickly, I felt uncomforta
ble but I didn’t know why.

  After I arrived home, I carelessly ate some food and then lay on the couch by myself in low spirits. I crawled up after a while and carefully took out that envelope. I closed my eyes as I pulled out the photos inside, I then opened them to force myself to take a look. They were of a young boy’s beautiful body, and it was a body that I had once barbarously dominated. This body’s first time belonged to me.

  I didn’t dare to look at it for long, I put it in the drawer. However I realised that this entire room was filled with his scent, I lay on the bed and thought about the passionate, hot scenes I shared with him. Although it was only my passion, I still felt my heart beating fast. I buried my head in the pillow, I wanted to cool down yet my cheeks started to burn. I then remembered that his humiliated tears were also on here which caused me to feel annoyed and perplexed. I opened the clothes drawer to take out clothes as I wanted to go take a shower. I then instantly connected this to his evading looks when I helped him get dressed that day. I didn’t understand what was happening to me.

  I felt as though the quality of my sleep grew worse, it had been like this from that Sunday all the way until this very night. I often slept for one hour and woke up for ten minutes before drifting off into sleep again. Just like that I survived a night of suddenly awaking and suddenly falling asleep again. I didn’t know what I was thinking myself, sometimes it was scolding myself as I sunk into an endless regret, at other times there were invisible waves of sweetness that could not be divulged as I was engrossed in my thoughts.

  I suffered through another night.

  The next day I went to class in a bit of a daze. I discovered there was a bag on my desk as soon as I sat down. Before I opened it, a student next to me told me that Li ZhenYun came over in the early morning and put it on my table. My heart started to beat frantically, I opened the bag and found the set of clothes he wore away that day inside. I flipped through it again and actually found a small slip of paper, there were only a few words on it: I washed the clothes.

  I wanted to go and say sorry to him, I wanted to give him the clothes and tell him that he looked very good in them. More so, I wanted to say that he didn’t have to go through the trouble to wash them, but I didn’t do anything, I just folded the slip of paper up and put it away. I then sat down, lost in a deep reverie.

  Wang XiaoYong came over again, “LaoDa, I have something to tell you.” I looked at his sincere and loyal expression and couldn’t think of what it could possibly be about. He coughed twice and hesitantly muttered, “Do you have anything on your mind these days?” I shook my head. Wang XiaoYong hesitated for a second and continued, “Actually, that event really wasn’t anything, we were just playing. Maybe if we beat him up then the result would be more severe. Plus, those photos of him are still in our hands, why should we be afraid of him?”

  I was silent for a long time and finally said, “I didn’t actually top him that day, I just taught him a lesson.”

  Wang XiaoYong’s eyes went wide open, “Why? Really?”

  I sighed, “It wasn’t because anything in particular, I just felt that doing it with a guy was quite disgusting.” He didn’t say anything else and looked at the ground as if he was thinking about something. I pat his shoulders, “Okay, okay. I know you care about me, I remember that.” Wang XiaoYong nodded his head a few times. I suddenly thought of something, “Oh yeah, where did you guys put his clothes?”

  “Xiao Li threw it in your backyard ages ago.” I cursed in my head and said a few words along the lines of ‘good throw’.

  Chapter 6

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  After school, I secretly went into the backyard and cursed at myself for seeming like a thief in my own house while searching around everywhere. Luckily, it was all there, I carefully picked it up and went back in the house to soak it in soapy water. I then carefully hand washed it, all my own clothes were actually machine washed, but there was an indescribable joy from hand washing his clothes. I also felt that if I went to return his clothes then I would be able to see him.

  I had pretty much never hand washed clothes before and had to mess around with it for ages. I inwardly hated Xiao Li, I wanted to give him a good beating for throwing these clothes. However, Xiao Li and Li ZhenYun were in the same class. I suddenly thought of an idea that made me happy.

  The next day I mustered up my courage and walked over to the classroom next door. I told myself that I came to find Xiao Li and that there was nothing to feel diffident about.

  I didn’t dare to look around, I saw Xiao Li straight away and walked over without averting my gaze. I sat in an empty seat not far off from him and said in a low voice, “So what’s that guy been up to these days? Is he in the classroom?”

  Xiao Li looked around, a few students were all chatting away happily and didn’t take notice of us at all, he then tried to hold in his laughter and whispered back, “He just went to the office, all the teachers like him anyways. Let me tell you this, we really did it to him this time, he doesn’t even seem human anymore.”

  I was surprised, “Why so? No way right?”

  “Why not? He moved to this class and no matter who tries to talk to him he would always ignore them. He’s day dreaming the whole time and only looks somewhat alert during class time. He would sleep as soon as class finishes, or else read books. He would read for ages without even flipping the page. Everyone said he’s been bewitched. I once saw him bury his head in his sleeves without looking up for long a time. I thought he was sleeping at first but when I looked over again, there was a big wet patch on his sleeves, that guy was crying. These are our achievements, that’s why I made very careful observations. Hehe.”

  I wanted to say something yet nothing came out. I looked at Xiao Li and saw that his expression turned weird and he was constantly signalling me with his eyes. I turned around and my mind was instantly filled with buzzing sounds, Li ZhenYun was standing behind me. His complexion was pale, there wasn’t a hint of redness to his lips and he stood there like a puppet.

  Ever since that day, this was the first time I saw him again, I guessed that we were both unusually shocked and didn’t know what to do. I looked at him again, I remembered that I really liked gazing at his eyes before. They were bright and piercing, yet now they were just empty without a shine. He just stood there in a daze, I didn’t know if he heard what we were talking about just then. I was very flustered.

  Xiao Li finally snapped out of it and whispered, “LaoDa, you’re sitting in his spot.” I suddenly woke up and instantly stood up. Thank the gods and heavens that the bell for class rang. I quickly ran out of the room without looking back.

  I then held a meeting with them and emphasized the words I had said to Wang XiaoYong again. They naturally all believed me, but they were all a bit disappointed and probably had a mentality of dissatisfaction. I didn’t mention anything about the clothes, I was afraid that they would find out what I did to them.

  His clothes had dried ages ago, yet I didn’t dare return them back to him. I encouraged myself many times but I still didn’t have the courage to find him. I really was useless. It wasn’t until a week later on a Friday that I made up my mind to do it. I folded the clothes properly and put it in a backpack, I wanted to go find him after school.

  I didn’t listen to any of the classes that day and waited with much torment until school finished. I slowly went to grab my bicycle and silently followed behind him from afar. My bike riding skills were pretty good.

  The path to his house was quite remote, now I know why it was so easy to succeed in beating him up last time, there weren’t many people here at all. I looked at his figure from the back, it was very lean and fragile. I suddenly felt as though I had the courage. I rode a bit faster whilst calling out his name in a moderate voice. He turned his head back and got a big shock when he saw that it was me. He wasn’t on guard for a moment and fell over onto the road with his bike. Coincidentally there were sharp rocks on the side of the road and he violently smashe
d onto them. It probably wasn’t a light fall.

  I hurriedly walked over, I wanted to help him up but he pushed my hand away. His expression was the same as before, one of fear and detest. I saw that his leg was bleeding, this time I didn’t care if it was an obedient nail or a defiant one, I used some strength and half embracing, half carrying, got him to stand up. It seemed like his wounds weren’t minor, my hands slightly loosened its grip and he started to fall over again. I pretty much carried him entirely and let him sit on the backseat of my bicycle. Fortunately, I was skilled and strong, I pushed two bikes at the same time and walked for a distance of the journey before I stored his bike somewhere and then quickly pedalled on my own. He was probably in much pain and didn’t end up saying anything, but I was very close to him. If it wasn’t because his foot was hurt I felt as though I would lightly fly up to the sky.

  I was really gentle that day, Wang XiaoYong and the others were all shocked from seeing me like that. I was constantly holding onto him in the hospital, even though he didn’t say anything, no signs of resistance were shown either. I couldn’t have been more satisfied.

  Chapter 7

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  After everything was sorted out, I sent him home and then delivered his bicycle back to his house. Just when I was preparing to leave I suddenly thought of something, I quickly took the clothes out of my backpack and gave it to him. He looked at me with a bit of surprise before silently taking it. I wanted to say that I washed it, or tell him anything else but I didn’t end up saying anything and rode away on my bike.

  I finally helped him do something, it helped me get rid of a bit of my guilt but I quickly remembered that I was the reason why he fell over. This made me even more annoyed.